The darkness of my soul.............i need to loose myself to find Him

walkin in darkness is the worst thing ever.u cant see where you're going and u dont no where ur ending up. that lost feelin cant seem to go away for you feel so helpless. u r reduced to tears and cryin seems the only thing that seems to keep you together.
my journey has always been a constant battle to stay in the light but the problem is i tend to allow darknest take whole of me.then im back in that lost state eventhough light is at my grasp.
why do i allow myself to fall? sometimes i ask myself if i perfer darknest to light......if i am actually being a hypocrite at thinking myself as a servant of God but doing a poor job at keeping myself in His hands.
lots of things have been croeding my mind so much so that even God seems so far away.but all in all i no that love keeps me going.
i miss those times when i could lie in His arms witout a single care in the world. i no i still can but He allows me to stay in darkness bcoz i need to loose myself to find Him.
when i am at my lowest that is when i will cling to Him for He is the only one i got. and in the goodness of His heart He gives me people to hold on 2 as well.i am truly grateful for my brother Dev who has been such a blessing in this time of trial for me.i luv him very much and thank God for giving me such e loving brother that i can fall on to for comfort.
i ahve not written in my blog 4 a while now coz i found no inspiration. but the problem was that i was concentratin too much on the crosses im facing instead of just trustin in His hands to help me carry them.
darkness brings about His light in me.now when i think about it i realise that i ahe to go through this and there will b plenty more dark roads to journey on.it is my choice if im gonna stay in the dark, feelin lost and helpless or i can just hold on to the light which is my faith in Him.
i love Him so dearly but my love is not yet unconditional.i no i can never love Him perfectly for it is only in heaven that i can.but while im on earth at least i can try. i will fall plenty more times.i really cant avoid it even if i try but the main thing is to always remember that His love surpasses all and it is His love that sustains me. He is the air that i breathe and as long as i love.....i no that i will survive...................